Margaret had changed her name to Julia when she was of sufficient age legally. It was her way of turning her back on a childhood that had been less than happy. A way less. She had always hated her parent's obsession with England and their constant negative comparisons of their adopted country to what they liked to call "home." She fully understood why the description "whinging poms" had been coined by New Zealanders, because as far as she could tell, the country had a lot going for it. She had been brought out when she was only two and could remember nothing of "the mother country." Having no basis for comparison, she did not argue.


Julia had also especially hated the name Margaret. It had been chosen because of its connection with her parent's precious Royal family and the princess who liked horses and had unfortunate love affairs. Julia had appealed as a name for various reasons. There was a beautiful actress named Julia, and there was a connection with theatre with a romantic but tragic Shakespearian character called Juliet who yearned from her balcony for her lover. Last but not least there was a schoolmate she had always admired. The schoolmate Julia seemed to have everything, including parents who appeared full of warmth, love and support.

The parents Julia had been assigned by the randomness of the universe seemed to be forever chasing their own separate professional careers, so were never there, and when they were there, were too busy fighting with each other to give her anything like a hug or simple inquiry as to how her life was going. When they did take notice it was usually to put her down with a cold verbal precision that still made her cringe when she gave it any thought. But mostly she kept the gate on Memory Lane firmly closed and bolted. Julia was a new person; there were better roads to travel.

After she left school she trained as a nurse and continued that career through her twenties. She then met and married a professional man whom she loved, had two children with him and enjoyed family life through her thirties and forties. She had only just said goodbye to her son and daughter as they left the well appointed nest to go overseas, when she had to say goodbye to her much loved husband after a terminal illness that seemed to arrive from nowhere. Her grieving was intense, but eventually subsided.

The role of widow was not what she had imagined for herself as she approached the big Five O and it did not sit well. She was used to a man in her life. She so missed the sharing and laughter, not to mention romps between the sheets. Julia decided to make a determined effort to meet someone new, daunting as that prospect seemed.

Confiding this news to close female friends had not been that helpful. They knew no single eligible males. Anyone available they thought of was the wrong age, not very attractive or was carrying baggage you could fill a freight train with and still have room to party. Her workplace was not much help either as the rest home was a mainly female environment.

The thought of trailing around bars on the hunt appalled her. Bars seemed to be the modern mating space, the old style Saturday night dance halls had long collapsed into oblivion. She just didn't know the current moves, and even more crucial, had no female friend in a similar situation to cruise with her, assuming she found whatever bar catered for "older" customers. NO, she decided. Bars on her own were out.

What else was there? Answering ads in the local paper's personal column? She sat down at her oak dining room table on a wet Saturday afternoon, used the remote to switch on a CD of Tony Bennett crooning love songs, and began writing. She started the conventional way, and then screwed it up. What would interest a man who had a bit of style and sense of humour? And stand out from all the other hopefuls? She started again.

"One second hand model, European built, only 49,000 miles, paintwork still in good condition, manual model, responds well to light touch on clutch, streamlined chassis that impresses enthusiasts, very comfortable seat for any driver, likes long country trips with classical or jazz on the stereo, gearbox in top condition. Take me for a spin. You'll be impressed."

She rang her friend Catherine and read it to her over the phone.

"Yeh, yeh. Certainly different..." Catherine said.

"You're hesitating. You hate it, right? Julia pleaded.

"No, no. It's fine. A bit risque, but hey, it will get attention alright. But why bother with newspapers? Get into the twenty first century girl. There's all these dating service on the Internet now.

"Oh yes, of course. I was just looking at the Male Seeks Female column in the paper and I thought.... But yes, you're right. That's the place to go. Do you know any web sites?'

"No I don't. Why would I? Look, just Google 'dating services' and see what comes up. Better still, stick New Zealand in that otherwise you'll get a zillion hits world wide."

And so Julia went online and discovered a new world of men in her city keen to chat. It took only a little while to get into the cyber swing of things. She was soon having meetings in coffee houses and going through the exchange of likes and dislikes in that artificial atmosphere dripping with hope and loneliness, nervousness and despair. What quickly became apparent was that the old cycle of yesteryear still existed. Those that she might be interested in, were not interested in her, and those that were interested in her, she was not interested in. Then there were the already married sexual predators, and men faking their ages. The learning curve was on a steep ascent.

Finally, a presentable male dropped into the mutual appeal basket, and several more meetings followed. Then a visit to the theatre, a concert some nice restaurants and a Holden car rally.

Michael was a nice ordinary bloke who made her laugh. It had been a long time between laughs. It felt good to laugh again.

Michael was not exactly a professional man; he had a skilled job as a cabinet maker and was currently working on fitting out the interior of a yacht being refurbished in Lyttelton harbour.

He seemed financially okay and was not involved in any messy former relationships with arguments over children visiting rights or property settlements. He had also lost his wife to cancer many years ago and had spent some time in a similar state to Julia. That seemed to make a special bond for the pair of them.

Julia's friends were introduced to Michael and gave him the good housekeeping tick of approval.

She even went to the extra length of talking to her mother in law about him and then visiting her one Sunday with him before going ten pin bowling. Geoff's mum was very understanding and also gave a tentative "well I've only met him once dear" nod of the head.

The months rolled by. Julia started sleeping better and put on a little weight as her appetite returned. Her friends and extended family were relieved. They all thought Julia was a warm lovely person, always responding positively to other people's needs, and deserved a break.

Friends and relatives were mystified however, when they received a invitation to a "significant family gathering" at a community hall on the edge of town on the first Saturday of the following month. The odd phone call shed no light as each had received the same wording on their invitation. No mention was made of Julia so each person remained intrigued as to whose family was involved but decided to attend anyway.

On the nominated day they arrived along with Julia and Michael. Julia looked around the gathering and became more intrigued. When her dead husband's family members arrived, intrigued moved into bewilderment.

"Michael, some of Geoff's family are here, "she whispered.” What is going on? Do you have any idea what this is all about?”

'Shh. All will be revealed I'm sure. Look at those carvings. Nice hall isn't it?”

"Don't change the subject. What is happening here?”

In the centre of the hall there were several trestle covered with white table cloths. A drinks table was at the far end and had a plentiful supply of beer, wine and bubbly. A two person band that could sound like six with the aid of modern electronics were busy finishing setting up their gear, and testing the sound system, Michael looked at his watch, nodded, and too another long look around the groups of people talking and drinking. Among the group of Julia's friends three broke away and moved towards Julia, headed by Catherine. There was no doubt in Julia's mind what they were going to ask her. At the same time, to Julia's astonishment, her mother walked through the main door, looking hesitant, accompanied by an old family friend.

"That's your mother, isn't it?" Michael asked.

Julia nodded, and then waved wanly to her mother as Catherine grabbed her arm and pulled her slightly to one side.

"Julia, what the hell is up?" she demanded, and got a shrug, so Catherine asked Michael the same question.

"Hold it, hold it. Just hang on a tick." he replied holding both hands up in the air, palms outwards. He then moved over to the band area and taking the travelling mike began to speak.

"Welcome everyone. So great you could all make it for a very special day. For any here that don't know me, I'm Michael and as most of you do know, Julia and I have been an item for a while now. You all know Julia of course, and what a wonderful person she is."

Michael then outlined all Julia's virtues, along with some self deprecating humorous remarks about how lucky he was to have found such a wonderful woman. He continued on with a description of their close relationship that had blossomed into full blown love and how it was a healing and beautiful thing for them both. Then he got down on his knees in front of Julia and gazed up at her with a look of adoration.

"And so Julia Adrienne McRae, here among all your loved ones, on this beautiful spring day, I humbly and lovingly do formally ask you to marry me."

Julia felt her draw drop ever so slightly. She blinked, closed her mouth, opened it again, but no words came out. She blinked again rapidly, tried to focus her mind. He's.... asking me to marry him. The thought repeated itself. She could not take her eyes off the imploring face in front of her. She became conscious, with peripheral vision, that everyone was watching her, waiting. She had heard the involuntary " oh !" from Catherine beside her and some sharp intakes of breath from those closest. Time seemed to be standing still and moving forward simultaneously. Everyone was waiting. Michael was waiting.

"Well, ah... yes. Yes."

Michael leapt to his feet, hugged her, kissed her roundly on the lips followed by “my sweet darling thank you," and then turned back to the audience, some of whom were clapping and smiling. Others, including Geoff's mother, just looked stunned.

"Any everyone, you may be asking yourselves why you were all invited to hear my proposal to the lovely Julia. Well, that's not all of it."

"But wait, there's more," Catherine muttered to Julia.

"It just so happens..." Michael paused, reached inside his jacket pocket and hauled out a document. "It just so happens we have a celebrant in the house, and here is the licence. So we are going to have a wedding and of course you've all already been invited. So here we all are, for this happiest of occasions."

Julia blinked again as Michael continued talking, but none of what he was saying seemed to register She shook her head. No, it wasn't a dream. It was real. She felt herself go into some sort of trance. A celebrant woman was in front of her now, smiling and talking, but hardly anything she said was coming through, as she motioned Julia over to a table. Everyone gathered around.

A fixed smile crept on to her face. A pen was handed to her that felt heavier than a crowbar. Everyone was watching. She signed her name in a blur.

The afternoon continued, people drank and ate the finger food that appeared, along with a wedding cake that was carried out by Michael's sister. Speeches had stayed brief, but none of them seemed connected to her even though she was included. Finally her friend Catherine was able to steer her away from the congratulating crowd.

"You really didn't know this was going to happen?" she asked.

"No, no I didn't. Honest." Julia replied, staring at an asparagus roll that seemed to have found its way into her hand.

"So how are you with this? I mean, is it all okay. What you wanted?"

"Umm, look, can we talk later, not here. Back at your place?"

Catherine gave her a quick thumbs up. Julia then started to consider her situation. And whether she was going to spend the night with Michael. She told Michael as the crowd started to thin that she would see him later because she was going off to Catherine's place as something urgent had come up for Catherine that had to be sorted straight away.

Sitting down later in what seemed the safe haven of Catherine's lounge she asked first for a stiff brandy and then if Catherine's husband Peter would mind leaving them alone as they had some serious "girl talk" to do.

"I'm not surprised," he said, with a grin and headed downstairs to his computer den.

"Right," said Catherine, as he disappeared." Where are you at?”

"I don't know. It's all... well, all too surreal," Julia replied, putting her head down between her hands. "God, what have I done?”

"I'm getting a distinct negative message here kid," Catherine said, as she moved over to sit beside her friend. Julia tightened her lips and nodded slowly.

"Okay," Catherine continued. "This isn't what you wanted, right?”

"Right! Not what I wanted at all for a wedding."

"Exactly," agreed Catherine. "Half the fun is looking forward to it."

"Besides, I know it's silly, but I... well I sometimes go to Geoff's grave and talk to him about things. And I'd have liked to have told him first, do you know what I mean?" Julia almost pleaded, then burst into tears.

Catherine put her arm around Julia and when she had stopped crying asked gently whether she was ready to discuss what next. Julia let out a huge sigh, confirmed that was ready, but had no idea what to do, adding that she only knew she didn't want to go through with it.

"Okay. First of all you've got be practical. Oh, have you got a pre nup signed, "Catherine asked.

"Of course not. We haven't even discussed marriage."

"So you need to get out of this without it costing you. Only one way to go now. Annulment, on the grounds of non-consumation."

"You mean ...?"

"Exactly. No nooky tonight, honeymoon off the menu. Wedding night Kaput! You okay with that?"

"Sure. But what will I say to Michael?"

"All over Rover. No dice. The guy's a control freak. And after your assets. That's two good reasons. Need any more?”

"But he didn't seem... I mean, he's not like that... he just..."

"Look kid, where were you in this equation. This was all about him."

"I did once say I liked surprises. And I guess he just didn't want me to say no."

"Exactly. What an A grade manipulator. To put you the spot like that. Why did you say yes incidentally?”

"It was all sort of... I just saw people looking, and him begging me with his eyes... and I couldn't think straight. The words wouldn't come, you know? And my mother was there. It's hard to explain."

"Like I said, an A grade manipulator. Men!" The last word hissed out, startling Julia, who was still struggling to explain it to herself, why she hadn't reacted differently. As a child she had learnt at cost not to make a fuss. Maybe...But her friend was making sense. She started to see Michael differently.

"... and I know a good lawyer. Meanwhile, first things first. You've got his cell phone number? You need to ring him and tell it's all off."

Julia protested that she couldn't do that over the phone, and Catherine said that was all the control freak deserved, so Julia gave in and rang. Michael insisted on seeing her immediately. Catherine holding the extension shook her head vigorously, so Julia said she would talk to him tomorrow.

"Do you think he'll understand"" Julia asked. "He sounded dreadfully upset."

"I doubt it. I doubt it very much. Those types never do," Catherine replied.

And she was right. The next day Julia could not believe Michael would not agree to an immediate simple divorce. When she mentioned annulment on the grounds of non-consummation he replied that he would contest that in court, as conjugal relations had taken place before the marriage and he could prove it. He kept repeating that he loved and wasn't going to lose her.

Over the next two months she tried to reason with him, but she experienced a variety of reactions from desperate tears and begging for forgiveness for getting it all wrong, to stubborn insistence that he would go to court if he had to, if that was the only way.

After each encounter she would meet with Catherine who would listen and then repeat her opinion that Michael was self-orientated hustler and con artist who was not to be trusted. Julia gave up trying to convince her that he was just a sad desperate man. She did agree that Michael was not displaying the best qualities suited for a lifetime partner and after one more disastrous phone call announced over coffee that she had flagged the annulment idea and was going to simply wait out the two years on the basis of irretrievable breakdown after her lawyer told her assets would not be an issue.

"Way to go kid," Catherine said as she opened a bottle of her best wine. "Here's looking at you. A free woman again Well, almost."

Yes, thought Julia. A free woman. But still on my own. That night she sat down at her computer, went online, stared at the dating web site for more than five minutes, then removed her details, and switched off.

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