Did you catch the scent
of confusion in the breeze,
and bravely come trotting to my rescue?
I bet if you had opposable thumbs,
you would've zipped my fly
and buttoned my coat.
And if only I'd been blessed
with a longer, fluffier tail,
I would've wagged it
in your direction.
I swear.
My roommate, a three-timer,
showed me the ropes.
We swapped medications
and I thought I would become him.
Perhaps that's what I needed;
to be ten years younger with a tattoo
of Dee Dee Ramone naked,
and a scar, kissing the jugular,
impressed with a number two treble hook.
All that changed
the night he tried to hack
off an eyelid with a plastic spoon,
and everyone was pissed when the head nurse announced there'd no longer be
Cream of Wheat for breakfast.