I took from my shoulder bag the Smith and Wesson that Myron insisted I carry and shot him dead. And after he was gone, I met the one, Sam, the proverbial one we all wait for. There were of course certain complications. Love is that way.
You see, he was a ghost. So what was the big deal? People were just prejudiced in their own small-minded ways. And because of this we had to avoid crowds, drift within our own private paradise as it were. The first night we went on a date we strolled down to "the village" as called by the locals, SOHO to tourists, and wandered through the twisting dark alleys like two lost or displaced spirits.
- How do you occupy yourself during the day? I asked.
He grimaced and frowned simultaneously, a feat not possible when confined to the flesh.
- The days? I'm not a vampire, you ninny. I'm a spirit.
- There was so much to learn about Sam's world and I was falling behind in my studies. My schoolwork was slipping too. But my bachelor degree in psychology could wait. I was getting the educational structure a flesh-based school system could only dream of offering.
- Sam was so intense, so wonderfully articulate, and so knowledgeable about all manner of things. No human companion could compare.
- I had to know how he had occupied himself during his life, so I asked him. And being a decisive spirit he took no time in answering me.
- I haunted the libraries.
- It seems Sam was always fond of knowledge, of acquiring as much knowledge in as many subjects in as little time as possible. He took as a challenge the idea that half the books in the library must be read before writing one's own. As a result, he had authored many books, one of them The Newly Revised Book of the Dead.
- My greatest achievement, he said matter-of-factly, and all
posthumously. It is not uncommon to find new recruits carrying thumb worn copies of my greatest work around the "golden fields" as we call them.
- There were times when I knew I could never be happy with anyone but Sam. But then I reminded myself that this was probably just a passing phase, an infatuation gone awry, or perhaps it was a wonderfully ineffable island of bliss in an otherwise gray landscape. I know only that when I was with Sam I found it easy to smile.
- You know Lydia; if women such as yourself were abundant in my time I could have found more reason to stick around. As it was, I found no reason to remain, so hanging from the bridge at Dunkirk seemed a fitting and poetic climax.
Funny, I hardly ever thought about his suicide. But then you do tend to overlook the small things in the one you love.
With my last boyfriend Myron, I had never reached that point. Maybe it was the annoying habit he had of talking business during sex, maybe it was his horribly odious breath, maybe it was the fact that he loved to pick his toes as if mining for gold ore. Whatever the case, it had never "happened" for us. That's why I shot him dead. But Sam was not only a dead-man-about-town but also a well-known criminal defense attorney. He was there all along the way, very supportive. He said that he saw through me and realized my potential.
- I knew from the moment I saw you, that you were a woman well beyond the limitations of the flesh. I saw in you an explosive sunrise, a glorious new beginning.
I blushed at his words. Mere mortal men floundered so desperately for even the most minuscule utterances. But not Sam. He knew how to touch me in all the right places, not just the prosaically sexual ones.
- Sam was dead but he looked incredibly sexy, in a way that most men seem to lack. And I found out quickly that spirits do not eat. I am an easygoing type, and since being with him I had all but lost my taste for food. But still I couldn't help but wonder at his physique.
- How do you keep so beautifully trim? I asked, allowing my fingers to briefly caress the undulations of his spirit. He looked menacingly at me and hissed, I drink the blood of virgins, like all vampires.
- Not long after we went to a fancy hotel. I asked for the bridal suite. Of course everyone there thought I was nuts. They could not see Sam. He snuck in behind me and entered through the walls of the room. All that nightlong I occupied the space loudly and passionately with my vampire spirit man. The next day, the staff looked at me strangely as I left. They didn't know what to make of my "condition."
- Do you think Sam, I said, that if I said I love you it would scare you away, back to your world, your other place?
I think at that moment I had crossed the taboo quarter. Even though I felt the unmistakable stirrings, we had never before spoken of love. Sam took a while before answering, disappearing, disintegrating as it were, like a column of smoke will drift in a breeze, until finally he coalesced.
- If you loved me, he said, I would have more reason than ever to stay. Has it not been obvious to you my feelings in this regard?
- I confessed that no it had not.
- Sam, truly, I have never been one to assume when it comes to matters of the heart.
- Oh Lydia. For this I can only love you more. I have loved you from the first; from the moment I defended you in that bogus murder charge. That mongrel ex-boyfriend of yours was asking for it. He should have been grateful someone as timeless as you delivered the end he had coming one way or another. As I said, he was asking for it. Meanwhile, his unfortunate stupidity worked to our mutual advantage. And I must say my dear, all has turned out well, would you agree?
Sam knew me well, knew that I would answer in the affirmative. He had always known me this way, known instinctively my secrete side, my risky side, my provocative and impetuous side. And despite knowing all of this about me he loved me still.
- But I should have known it couldn't last, should have read his The Newly Revised Book of the Dead, because right there in Chapter 1 it stated:
The dead will haunt or inhabit the world of the living until they have resolved whatever conflicts have kept them connected to their past lives. Whether that be negative or positive feelings, once resolved they must by mandate return to the spirit realm
Sam had fallen in love. This was the connection he sought. It was something denied him during his life in the flesh. But once having achieved it, once having verbalized it to me, it was in effect the moment of his final death.
- I am still working through losing him, still unsure how I can adapt to the living again. At night, all through the horns and shrieks and gunshots of the New York evening, he floats into and around my dreams. But over time little things have begun to reestablish my connection to the living world. And while initially I thought to suicide myself, I knew that Sam would not want me to follow him in that way. No. He loved me and I loved him and that was enough. Till death do us part had already occurred. And now I must go forward. Just this morning I had a serious craving for a Twinkie and a cup of espresso. The road back was long, but I had taken the first step.
